Building Trust

Recently Dixon and I went out for Brunch to our favorite seafood restaurant, because I love seafood. We have found restaurant portions are often so large, that we can share an entrée. We ordered a bowl of clam chowder and a salad topped with shrimp and crab, which we split.

Like me, Dixon also loves seafood, especially crab, since he grew up in the Northwest where it is plentiful.

As we each ate our half of the salad, he generously put one of his largest pieces of crab onto my plate. It was a sweet and loving gesture and it reminded me how the “little things” build trust. 

Relationships are built, or broken, on the “little things.” We tend to remember the big issues and may point to them as the cause of relationship success or failure. But the truth is that it’s the accumulation of the “little things” which make all the difference.

You might wonder if Dixon is always so generous with me. The answer is no, but over time, I have...

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Did she ignore Red Flags?

 

It happened years ago, but it still haunts me.


It was my first year of college and I had rented an apartment with 3 other girls, near the University.
Our apartment faced the center of a quadrangle, overlooking a pool.


Late one evening, I was sitting by the window, gazing across the pool at the other apartments.
A young, college-age woman exited one of the apartments and headed along the sidewalk toward the parking lot.


She was crying.


I thought, “Oh dear, maybe she just broke up with her boyfriend.”
About 20 minutes later several young men exited the same apartment.
I thought that was strange, and wondered if there had been some kind of party.


The next day, I asked one of my neighbors if he knew what had happened.
He said, although he wasn’t there, he had heard they had “pulled a train.”
I was young and naïve and had no idea what that term meant.


When I found out, I was horrified, and very sad for the young woman.
I wish I had known, because I...

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Relationships: The Tragic "Pandemic Effect"

 The almost 2-year pandemic has affected people in many different ways, causing a great deal of stress. Beyond sickness and death, the most widespread effect appears to be financial. This could be due to loss of income or jobs, not to mention unexpected medical expenses. 

In addition, for many people, including children, the wearing of masks is a constant reminder of the worrisome pandemic. With masks we are unable to see people’s faces, can’t read their expressions or respond to possible smiles. Also, social distancing has created a sense of disconnect from other people. It’s a form of loss, because as human beings, we all have a need for a feeling of connection to others. 

With the combination of these different forms of loss, the “Pandemic Effect” has increased the stress level for many people.

This means our homes may have become pressure cookers of pent-up stress. Closeted inside our homes, we have little opportunity for relief via...

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It's Juicy

love relationships Jul 20, 2021

In a world of, what appears to be, predominately young, tanned, perfectly trimmed out young women paired with successful, sculpted, six-pack boyfriends and their beautiful new cars,

the subject of older couples, particularly in reference to anything sexual, is pretty conclusively,

overlooked you might say.

It's not a notably sellable product in popular media these days. It’s something maybe out of reach or a little uncomfortable to imagine for a lot of folks.

Nevertheless,

as God is my witness, it is a fact,
older couples have sex, too.


As some of you already know, Angeline likes to refer to our relationship as “juicy.”

And, well, it is, and I have a few thoughts on the subject.

Typically, when I think of “juicy relationships,” I picture people in their twenties or thirties.

Most folks in their seventies, like Angeline and me, don’t exude a ”juicy relationship” kind of vibe.

Once in a while, when I see an older, white-haired...

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You're right, it's HIS fault! (the power of cause and effect)

Effect is when you believe external people and circumstances are having a negative effect on your life. It’s when you experience fear, lack and scarcity, when you feel taken advantage of, victimized and powerless. When you hang onto blaming others for your problems, you are in “Effect.”

When you’re in Effect, feeling stressed and overwhelmed, adrenaline and cortisol are released into your body. These actually break down the cells in your body.
On the opposite side of Effect, there’s Cause, which is when you believe you can cause the positive results you want in your life. When you create choice for yourself, let go of blaming and shaming, let go of being a victim, and when you embrace creative options, inspired action, and responsibility, you’re in “Cause.” You feel empowered.
When you’re in Cause, serotonin and dopamine are released in your body. You feel energized, excited and your mind opens to creatively find solutions.
You...

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Looking for Love (in all the Wrong Places?)

dating love relationships Oct 30, 2020

At age 21 I got married, with stars in my eyes.

I was excited about the whole idea of marriage and commitment.

I was finally going to have the fulfillment of all my romantic dreams.

From the fancy wedding dress to the white picket fence.

I was really looking forward to a life of love and kisses, with great sex.

I was ready and willing to be a perfect wife and homemaker.

And Lord knows I tried.

But I certainly wasn’t perfect…and neither was he.

So, it didn’t work.

We were not happy with each other.

We didn’t know how to resolve issues, so we just swept them under the rug.

They built up to a big mess, that we tried to avoid.

The kisses and sex were lukewarm at best.

We tried therapists, self-help books, friend’s advice, everything we could think of.

After 20 years we gave up.

 

I was a single Mom for 4 years.

I was committed to figuring out how to “do love right.”

I did personal growth programs. Read lots more self-help books.

And went...

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Are Money Worries Messing with your Relationships?

love money relationships Sep 18, 2020

Money issues are the #1 conflict in relationships!

What would be different if you had a secure financial future?

 What would life be like if you made the income you want?

It’s hard to imagine financial security, when paying your bills each month is a struggle. Or when it's time to pay bills you just get angry, worried and shut down, or put everything on autopay. 

Maybe you have no idea where your money is going each month? Maybe you just hope there is enough money in the bank account to cover the bills?

I get it. It can feel easier to live paycheck to paycheck than have to look back and see what you spent your money on. Or look forward and see the bills you can’t pay and all the stuff you can’t do.

Reality is, if you don’t have a positive association with money - no amount of money will solve your problems. I'm sure you've heard of lottery winners going bankrupt! Money is not the answer! You need a positive Money Mindset!

Join me in the "Keys to...

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Are you insane? Wait, what?!

You've probably heard the saying..."Insanity is doing the same things but expecting different results."

Well how are you doing in your health, wealth, and relationships?

Are you being insane?

Are you expecting different results, but doing the same things with your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc?

How about with your Money and your Health?

Do you set new goals every year...but fail to achieve them?

And most important, how's your relationship with Yourself!

Do you make negative comments toward yourself?

Maybe you say, "I'm never going to lose weight!"

Or, I'm never going to get out of debt!"

Or maybe, you think, "l'll never find a good man."

These types of negative judgements will produce a negative result.

Maybe you don't know what to do differently?

Are you willing to look at some new options?

Are you ready for a new Mindset?

For just 90 minutes of your time and $12, you can gain some great NEW ideas about ways to break out of your old insane patterns.

It's our...

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Do you remember the Pina Colada song?

relationships May 14, 2020

I had to laugh when I read the following brief article from The Gottman Institute...but it's got an important point!

“Escape (the Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes is a beachy, karaoke favorite about a husband and wife who discover they were planning to cheat on each other.

A less catchy title for the song could be, “We Never Talked to Each Other Then Assumed Infidelity Was the Only Solution Rather Than Changing Our Communication Strategy (the Piña Colada Song)”

Everyone’s sense of relief is shared as the couple in the song updates their “Love Maps and laugh about how they basically “Catfished” each other.

Their “same old dull routine” didn’t include room for champagne, piña coladas, or midnight lovemaking. Their relationship was, according to the lyrics, “a worn-out recording of a favorite song.”

How do you re-heat things in your relationship before...

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Interview with Happy Relationships Guidebook

relationships Apr 27, 2020
 

Leslie Capps, creator of The Happy Relationships Guidebook, interviews Angeline M Hart, author of the Amazon bestseller, "Gorillas Make Great Lovers!"

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