Did she ignore Red Flags?

 

It happened years ago, but it still haunts me.


It was my first year of college and I had rented an apartment with 3 other girls, near the University.
Our apartment faced the center of a quadrangle, overlooking a pool.


Late one evening, I was sitting by the window, gazing across the pool at the other apartments.
A young, college-age woman exited one of the apartments and headed along the sidewalk toward the parking lot.


She was crying.


I thought, “Oh dear, maybe she just broke up with her boyfriend.”
About 20 minutes later several young men exited the same apartment.
I thought that was strange, and wondered if there had been some kind of party.


The next day, I asked one of my neighbors if he knew what had happened.
He said, although he wasn’t there, he had heard they had “pulled a train.”
I was young and naïve and had no idea what that term meant.


When I found out, I was horrified, and very sad for the young woman.
I wish I had known, because I...

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Relationships: The Tragic "Pandemic Effect"

 The almost 2-year pandemic has affected people in many different ways, causing a great deal of stress. Beyond sickness and death, the most widespread effect appears to be financial. This could be due to loss of income or jobs, not to mention unexpected medical expenses. 

In addition, for many people, including children, the wearing of masks is a constant reminder of the worrisome pandemic. With masks we are unable to see people’s faces, can’t read their expressions or respond to possible smiles. Also, social distancing has created a sense of disconnect from other people. It’s a form of loss, because as human beings, we all have a need for a feeling of connection to others. 

With the combination of these different forms of loss, the “Pandemic Effect” has increased the stress level for many people.

This means our homes may have become pressure cookers of pent-up stress. Closeted inside our homes, we have little opportunity for relief via...

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She Pushed Me Off the Sidewalk!

personal growth Oct 07, 2021

 

I was in 4th grade, walking down the sidewalk toward the school cafeteria, when one of the “popular” girls walked by and pushed me off the sidewalk. 

That doesn’t seem like a big deal, right? 

But it was a big deal!

Because my unconscious mind created a limiting belief that I didn't fit in. 

And, since it was unconscious, I wasn’t even aware of it! 

Yet, I continued to find evidence to support my belief that I wasn’t good enough.

  • My clothes were homemade, not like the other kids with store bought clothes.
  • I heard about other kid’s birthday parties, and I was never invited.
  • I lacked self-esteem and didn’t know how to behave in social situations.
  • I had only one girlfriend at school. All the other kids seemed to have groups of friends.

As an adult, my unconscious decision that I didn't fit in, had a negative effect on my ability to build relationships with other women.

  • I felt uncomfortable and ill-at-ease.
  • I...
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Want a Fresh Start? Release Your Past!

personal growth Aug 24, 2021

Looking for something fresh to get you out of the same-old routines?

 

Are you trying to think positive and find the silver lining this past year?

 

Maybe you’re determined to put it in positive terms, so you create a Reframe.

 

Our definition of a Reframe is: 

“when we consciously recognize and acknowledge negative thinking in ourselves, and then create positive options and solutions to counter the negative thinking.” 

 

That’s a good thing, right? 

 

Reframing is usually seen when someone displays a positive attitude as they face challenging times or a difficult situation. 

 

Conscious Reframes are a positive first step in dealing with personal challenges. These new positive thoughts are what most people consider to be an effective Mindset Shift.

 

However, as positive and well intentioned as they may be, the weakness in conscious reframes is that they don’t resolve the ...

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Finding Yourself

personal growth self love Jul 30, 2021


Finding yourself,
is not really how it works.
You aren’t a ten-dollar bill
in last winter’s coat pocket.
You are also not lost.
Your true self is right there,
buried under cultural conditioning,
and other people’s opinions you took on as a kid
that became your beliefs about who you are.

Finding yourself
is actually, “Returning to yourself.”
An unlearning,
an excavation,
a remembering,
who you were,
before the world got it’s hands on you.

Author Unknown


These words truly touched me. It seems like, in my life, everyone I talk with these days is dismantling, unlearning or struggling with some aspect of “Returning to Themselves,” particularly in the context of relationships.

There was a time I didn’t believe I was capable of love.
I was isolated, lost and truly an unhappy person. I’ve been fortunate and blessed with the progress of my “returning to myself.” I have deep gratitude for the resulting love, light and joy in my life....

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Are You Creating the Life You Want?

personal growth self love Jul 25, 2021

I have always wanted to play the piano.

For me, watching someone sit down with any musical instrument; piano, saxophone, or even harmonica, and create music, is absolutely magical! I love music and listen to many different kinds, from classical to country and boogie-woogie.

When I was young, I had a few piano lessons, but the teacher seemed very annoyed with me, and regularly said, “can’t you hear that’s wrong?” Due to a lack of progress, my mother finally gave up on the lessons.

In middle school they tried to teach me violin. I was awful at it and the teacher quickly decided I was not a good match.

In high school I tried out for choir but couldn’t seem to hit the correct notes, so got disqualified. 

I became a bit traumatized about my musical ability…or lack of it.

Now, as an adult, many years later, I’ve learned that I actually don’t hear when the note is wrong. I actually hear very little difference between notes that are...

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You're right, it's HIS fault! (the power of cause and effect)

Effect is when you believe external people and circumstances are having a negative effect on your life. It’s when you experience fear, lack and scarcity, when you feel taken advantage of, victimized and powerless. When you hang onto blaming others for your problems, you are in “Effect.”

When you’re in Effect, feeling stressed and overwhelmed, adrenaline and cortisol are released into your body. These actually break down the cells in your body.
On the opposite side of Effect, there’s Cause, which is when you believe you can cause the positive results you want in your life. When you create choice for yourself, let go of blaming and shaming, let go of being a victim, and when you embrace creative options, inspired action, and responsibility, you’re in “Cause.” You feel empowered.
When you’re in Cause, serotonin and dopamine are released in your body. You feel energized, excited and your mind opens to creatively find solutions.
You...

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Are you insane? Wait, what?!

You've probably heard the saying..."Insanity is doing the same things but expecting different results."

Well how are you doing in your health, wealth, and relationships?

Are you being insane?

Are you expecting different results, but doing the same things with your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc?

How about with your Money and your Health?

Do you set new goals every year...but fail to achieve them?

And most important, how's your relationship with Yourself!

Do you make negative comments toward yourself?

Maybe you say, "I'm never going to lose weight!"

Or, I'm never going to get out of debt!"

Or maybe, you think, "l'll never find a good man."

These types of negative judgements will produce a negative result.

Maybe you don't know what to do differently?

Are you willing to look at some new options?

Are you ready for a new Mindset?

For just 90 minutes of your time and $12, you can gain some great NEW ideas about ways to break out of your old insane patterns.

It's our...

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Procrastination is EASY!

personal growth Jun 12, 2020

Procrastination is SO easy, especially if you combine it with finding other stuff to keep yourself busy, rather than doing the important (but tough) stuff you need to do. That way you can delude yourself into thinking your time was well spent.

Sometimes I fib to myself and say, "I'm too busy to get it all done." Or, at my worst, I find ways to blame it on Dixon (in my mind). Thank goodness, I rarely say it aloud!

Do you struggle with procrastination? Do you set goals...but rarely get them done? Do you feel overwhelmed and exhausted?

My sister, Jane, once told me: "It's not what you've done that makes you tired, its what's left undone." As I observe myself, I've found that to be true. 

I've also learned that getting aligned with myself is a key to accomplishing goals. Most of us have conscious reasons we want to achieve our goals...AND...some subconscious reasons we don't want to.

For example, an overweight woman may consciously want to lose weight. But unconsciously she may...

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When we really love ourselves

personal growth Apr 15, 2020

Frankly, I find the above quote really annoying, because, of course, everybody would love themselves...if they knew how!

So, why don't we know how?

Because, early in your childhood you received numerous messages that you weren't okay; not perfect enough, or well behaved, or good looking, or not smart, or whatever.

Back then you were too young to filter out the messages you received.

You didn't realize that your parents criticized you because they didn't feel perfect enough either. They didn't really love themselves enough, so they tried to fix it by "fixing" you.

But, it didn't work....you just felt imperfect, and therefore not lovable.

So now what are you supposed to do?

Go into therapy? Good grief, it takes forever, and costs a mint!

Speaking of money, a LOT of people are spending a LOT of money on cosmetic surgery, to try to be more lovable.

I even heard of a woman who is having her second toes shortened, so her feet will be more perfect. Yikes!

There's a lot of...

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