As a young teenager, I was excited to be old enough to attend dances.
But, as I prepared to go to my first dance, I felt uncomfortable and self-conscious.
When I told someone how nervous I felt, they responded by saying, “Just be yourself.”
But I didn’t have a clue who “myself” was or how to be it.
What I didn’t realize was that I had a certain image in my mind of how/who I thought I should be.
Unconsciously I was always trying to look and act like that image (the actress Sandra Dee).
Unconsciously I measured myself against that perfect Hollywood image, and against any other women who seemed close to that ideal.
This caused me to be self-critical and uncomfortable with myself because I certainly didn’t measure up to that false idea of how I assumed everyone expected me to be.
Most of this was unconscious!!!
I didn’t realize that the more I tried to be “perfect” the more I was disconnected with...
I’m seventy-five years old, still dealing with a demon or two from the past, but basically pretty well back on the rails these days.
There was a time in my past however, when things were seriously out of balance. I was angry, focused on my own needs, and determined to get what I wanted, whether or not it was at someone else’s expense, and most frequently it was at a woman’s expense.
Growing up at my house was a prolonged exercise in emotional abuse. It was a painful, long-term, mess. Leaving home, I was angry, I was emotionally isolated, and I trusted absolutely no-one.
The motivation to isolate myself emotionally was powered by the rage I carried. Honestly, I wasn’t even aware of the depth of my anger. (It was years later I realized my anger was actually a disguised expression of the grief I experienced over the love I wanted, but never got from my dad.)
It was a deeply unhappy period in my life.
Sex, human physical...
It happened years ago, but it still haunts me.
It was my first year of college and I had rented an apartment with 3 other girls, near the University.
Our apartment faced the center of a quadrangle, overlooking a pool.
Late one evening, I was sitting by the window, gazing across the pool at the other apartments.
A young, college-age woman exited one of the apartments and headed along the sidewalk toward the parking lot.
She was crying.
I thought, “Oh dear, maybe she just broke up with her boyfriend.”
About 20 minutes later several young men exited the same apartment.
I thought that was strange, and wondered if there had been some kind of party.
The next day, I asked one of my neighbors if he knew what had happened.
He said, although he wasn’t there, he had heard they had “pulled a train.”
I was young and naïve and had no idea what that term meant.
When I found out, I was horrified, and very sad for the young woman.
I wish I had known, because I...
The almost 2-year pandemic has affected people in many different ways, causing a great deal of stress. Beyond sickness and death, the most widespread effect appears to be financial. This could be due to loss of income or jobs, not to mention unexpected medical expenses.
In addition, for many people, including children, the wearing of masks is a constant reminder of the worrisome pandemic. With masks we are unable to see people’s faces, can’t read their expressions or respond to possible smiles. Also, social distancing has created a sense of disconnect from other people. It’s a form of loss, because as human beings, we all have a need for a feeling of connection to others.
With the combination of these different forms of loss, the “Pandemic Effect” has increased the stress level for many people.
This means our homes may have become pressure cookers of pent-up stress. Closeted inside our homes, we have little opportunity for relief via...
I was in 4th grade, walking down the sidewalk toward the school cafeteria, when one of the “popular” girls walked by and pushed me off the sidewalk.
That doesn’t seem like a big deal, right?
But it was a big deal!
And, since it was unconscious, I wasn’t even aware of it!
Yet, I continued to find evidence to support my belief that I wasn’t good enough.
As an adult, my unconscious decision that I didn't fit in, had a negative effect on my ability to build relationships with other women.
Looking for something fresh to get you out of the same-old routines?
Are you trying to think positive and find the silver lining this past year?
Maybe you’re determined to put it in positive terms, so you create a Reframe.
Our definition of a Reframe is:
“when we consciously recognize and acknowledge negative thinking in ourselves, and then create positive options and solutions to counter the negative thinking.”
That’s a good thing, right?
Reframing is usually seen when someone displays a positive attitude as they face challenging times or a difficult situation.
Conscious Reframes are a positive first step in dealing with personal challenges. These new positive thoughts are what most people consider to be an effective Mindset Shift.
However, as positive and well intentioned as they may be, the weakness in conscious reframes is that they don’t resolve the ...
is not really how it works.
You aren’t a ten-dollar bill
in last winter’s coat pocket.
You are also not lost.
Your true self is right there,
buried under cultural conditioning,
and other people’s opinions you took on as a kid
that became your beliefs about who you are.
is actually, “Returning to yourself.”
who you were,
before the world got it’s hands on you.
These words truly touched me. It seems like, in my life, everyone I talk with these days is dismantling, unlearning or struggling with some aspect of “Returning to Themselves,” particularly in the context of relationships.
There was a time I didn’t believe I was capable of love.
I was isolated, lost and truly an unhappy person. I’ve been fortunate and blessed with the progress of my “returning to myself.” I have deep gratitude for the resulting love, light and joy in my life....
I have always wanted to play the piano.
For me, watching someone sit down with any musical instrument; piano, saxophone, or even harmonica, and create music, is absolutely magical! I love music and listen to many different kinds, from classical to country and boogie-woogie.
When I was young, I had a few piano lessons, but the teacher seemed very annoyed with me, and regularly said, “can’t you hear that’s wrong?” Due to a lack of progress, my mother finally gave up on the lessons.
In middle school they tried to teach me violin. I was awful at it and the teacher quickly decided I was not a good match.
In high school I tried out for choir but couldn’t seem to hit the correct notes, so got disqualified.
I became a bit traumatized about my musical ability…or lack of it.
Now, as an adult, many years later, I’ve learned that I actually don’t hear when the note is wrong. I actually hear very little difference between notes that are...
Effect is when you believe external people and circumstances are having a negative effect on your life. It’s when you experience fear, lack and scarcity, when you feel taken advantage of, victimized and powerless. When you hang onto blaming others for your problems, you are in “Effect.”
When you’re in Effect, feeling stressed and overwhelmed, adrenaline and cortisol are released into your body. These actually break down the cells in your body.
On the opposite side of Effect, there’s Cause, which is when you believe you can cause the positive results you want in your life. When you create choice for yourself, let go of blaming and shaming, let go of being a victim, and when you embrace creative options, inspired action, and responsibility, you’re in “Cause.” You feel empowered.
When you’re in Cause, serotonin and dopamine are released in your body. You feel energized, excited and your mind opens to creatively find solutions.
You've probably heard the saying..."Insanity is doing the same things but expecting different results."
Well how are you doing in your health, wealth, and relationships?
Are you being insane?
Are you expecting different results, but doing the same things with your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc?
How about with your Money and your Health?
Do you set new goals every year...but fail to achieve them?
And most important, how's your relationship with Yourself!
Do you make negative comments toward yourself?
Maybe you say, "I'm never going to lose weight!"
Or, I'm never going to get out of debt!"
Or maybe, you think, "l'll never find a good man."
These types of negative judgements will produce a negative result.
Maybe you don't know what to do differently?
Are you willing to look at some new options?
Are you ready for a new Mindset?
For just 90 minutes of your time and $12, you can gain some great NEW ideas about ways to break out of your old insane patterns.