Did she ignore Red Flags?

 

It happened years ago, but it still haunts me.


It was my first year of college and I had rented an apartment with 3 other girls, near the University.
Our apartment faced the center of a quadrangle, overlooking a pool.


Late one evening, I was sitting by the window, gazing across the pool at the other apartments.
A young, college-age woman exited one of the apartments and headed along the sidewalk toward the parking lot.


She was crying.


I thought, “Oh dear, maybe she just broke up with her boyfriend.”
About 20 minutes later several young men exited the same apartment.
I thought that was strange, and wondered if there had been some kind of party.


The next day, I asked one of my neighbors if he knew what had happened.
He said, although he wasn’t there, he had heard they had “pulled a train.”
I was young and naïve and had no idea what that term meant.


When I found out, I was horrified, and very sad for the young woman.
I wish I had known, because I...

Continue Reading...

Relationships: The Tragic "Pandemic Effect"

 The almost 2-year pandemic has affected people in many different ways, causing a great deal of stress. Beyond sickness and death, the most widespread effect appears to be financial. This could be due to loss of income or jobs, not to mention unexpected medical expenses. 

In addition, for many people, including children, the wearing of masks is a constant reminder of the worrisome pandemic. With masks we are unable to see people’s faces, can’t read their expressions or respond to possible smiles. Also, social distancing has created a sense of disconnect from other people. It’s a form of loss, because as human beings, we all have a need for a feeling of connection to others. 

With the combination of these different forms of loss, the “Pandemic Effect” has increased the stress level for many people.

This means our homes may have become pressure cookers of pent-up stress. Closeted inside our homes, we have little opportunity for relief via...

Continue Reading...

She Pushed Me Off the Sidewalk!

personal growth Oct 07, 2021

 

I was in 4th grade, walking down the sidewalk toward the school cafeteria, when one of the “popular” girls walked by and pushed me off the sidewalk. 

That doesn’t seem like a big deal, right? 

But it was a big deal!

Because my unconscious mind created a limiting belief that I didn't fit in. 

And, since it was unconscious, I wasn’t even aware of it! 

Yet, I continued to find evidence to support my belief that I wasn’t good enough.

  • My clothes were homemade, not like the other kids with store bought clothes.
  • I heard about other kid’s birthday parties, and I was never invited.
  • I lacked self-esteem and didn’t know how to behave in social situations.
  • I had only one girlfriend at school. All the other kids seemed to have groups of friends.

As an adult, my unconscious decision that I didn't fit in, had a negative effect on my ability to build relationships with other women.

  • I felt uncomfortable and ill-at-ease.
  • I...
Continue Reading...

Want a Fresh Start? Release Your Past!

personal growth Aug 24, 2021

Looking for something fresh to get you out of the same-old routines?

 

Are you trying to think positive and find the silver lining this past year?

 

Maybe you’re determined to put it in positive terms, so you create a Reframe.

 

Our definition of a Reframe is: 

“when we consciously recognize and acknowledge negative thinking in ourselves, and then create positive options and solutions to counter the negative thinking.” 

 

That’s a good thing, right? 

 

Reframing is usually seen when someone displays a positive attitude as they face challenging times or a difficult situation. 

 

Conscious Reframes are a positive first step in dealing with personal challenges. These new positive thoughts are what most people consider to be an effective Mindset Shift.

 

However, as positive and well intentioned as they may be, the weakness in conscious reframes is that they don’t resolve the ...

Continue Reading...

Calling in THE ONE (7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life)

dating love Aug 11, 2021

Calling in "THE ONE" by Katherine Woodward Thomas.
Have you read this New York Times bestseller?
The subtitle is: "7 weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life."

- "Clear away the obstacles that have been holding you back from love"
- "Discover the Ancient Law of Attraction"
- "Start creating your best life to bring in your perfect partner"

That sounded pretty amazing, so I had to read it!
It's really good!


Dr. Thomas is a psychotherapist AND a good writer.
If you've already read it, this webinar will be a great review for you.
If you haven't read it yet, this will give you an easy summary and sneak peek.
In either case, you'll get some great ideas for up leveling your game.


Dr. Thomas gives several KEY steps.
The steps begin with internal work, which you might call a relationship Mindset Shift.
And then she goes on to provide seven weeks of lessons, each containing seven daily lessons, for a total of 49.
So what are those KEY steps?
That's what we'll cover in this Webinar.
That's what you...

Continue Reading...

Finding Yourself

personal growth self love Jul 30, 2021


Finding yourself,
is not really how it works.
You aren’t a ten-dollar bill
in last winter’s coat pocket.
You are also not lost.
Your true self is right there,
buried under cultural conditioning,
and other people’s opinions you took on as a kid
that became your beliefs about who you are.

Finding yourself
is actually, “Returning to yourself.”
An unlearning,
an excavation,
a remembering,
who you were,
before the world got it’s hands on you.

Author Unknown


These words truly touched me. It seems like, in my life, everyone I talk with these days is dismantling, unlearning or struggling with some aspect of “Returning to Themselves,” particularly in the context of relationships.

There was a time I didn’t believe I was capable of love.
I was isolated, lost and truly an unhappy person. I’ve been fortunate and blessed with the progress of my “returning to myself.” I have deep gratitude for the resulting love, light and joy in my life....

Continue Reading...

Are You Creating the Life You Want?

personal growth self love Jul 25, 2021

I have always wanted to play the piano.

For me, watching someone sit down with any musical instrument; piano, saxophone, or even harmonica, and create music, is absolutely magical! I love music and listen to many different kinds, from classical to country and boogie-woogie.

When I was young, I had a few piano lessons, but the teacher seemed very annoyed with me, and regularly said, “can’t you hear that’s wrong?” Due to a lack of progress, my mother finally gave up on the lessons.

In middle school they tried to teach me violin. I was awful at it and the teacher quickly decided I was not a good match.

In high school I tried out for choir but couldn’t seem to hit the correct notes, so got disqualified. 

I became a bit traumatized about my musical ability…or lack of it.

Now, as an adult, many years later, I’ve learned that I actually don’t hear when the note is wrong. I actually hear very little difference between notes that are...

Continue Reading...

It's Juicy

love relationships Jul 20, 2021

In a world of, what appears to be, predominately young, tanned, perfectly trimmed out young women paired with successful, sculpted, six-pack boyfriends and their beautiful new cars,

the subject of older couples, particularly in reference to anything sexual, is pretty conclusively,

overlooked you might say.

It's not a notably sellable product in popular media these days. It’s something maybe out of reach or a little uncomfortable to imagine for a lot of folks.

Nevertheless,

as God is my witness, it is a fact,
older couples have sex, too.


As some of you already know, Angeline likes to refer to our relationship as “juicy.”

And, well, it is, and I have a few thoughts on the subject.

Typically, when I think of “juicy relationships,” I picture people in their twenties or thirties.

Most folks in their seventies, like Angeline and me, don’t exude a ”juicy relationship” kind of vibe.

Once in a while, when I see an older, white-haired...

Continue Reading...

You're right, it's HIS fault! (the power of cause and effect)

Effect is when you believe external people and circumstances are having a negative effect on your life. It’s when you experience fear, lack and scarcity, when you feel taken advantage of, victimized and powerless. When you hang onto blaming others for your problems, you are in “Effect.”

When you’re in Effect, feeling stressed and overwhelmed, adrenaline and cortisol are released into your body. These actually break down the cells in your body.
On the opposite side of Effect, there’s Cause, which is when you believe you can cause the positive results you want in your life. When you create choice for yourself, let go of blaming and shaming, let go of being a victim, and when you embrace creative options, inspired action, and responsibility, you’re in “Cause.” You feel empowered.
When you’re in Cause, serotonin and dopamine are released in your body. You feel energized, excited and your mind opens to creatively find solutions.
You...

Continue Reading...

Looking for Love (in all the Wrong Places?)

dating love relationships Oct 30, 2020

At age 21 I got married, with stars in my eyes.

I was excited about the whole idea of marriage and commitment.

I was finally going to have the fulfillment of all my romantic dreams.

From the fancy wedding dress to the white picket fence.

I was really looking forward to a life of love and kisses, with great sex.

I was ready and willing to be a perfect wife and homemaker.

And Lord knows I tried.

But I certainly wasn’t perfect…and neither was he.

So, it didn’t work.

We were not happy with each other.

We didn’t know how to resolve issues, so we just swept them under the rug.

They built up to a big mess, that we tried to avoid.

The kisses and sex were lukewarm at best.

We tried therapists, self-help books, friend’s advice, everything we could think of.

After 20 years we gave up.

 

I was a single Mom for 4 years.

I was committed to figuring out how to “do love right.”

I did personal growth programs. Read lots more self-help books.

And went...

Continue Reading...
1 2
Close

50% Complete

Subscribe to our Relationship Master newsletter

To get more great information about building a loving and supportive relationship.